Adoption Lit

We currently have a variety of books we are reading to gain information on adoption and Korea.  Often I read things that stick with me and I want to share with others.  We thought Adoption Lit(erature) would be a nice way to share the important stuff.

Steve and I, like all parents, are amazed at our luck that we get to be parents, and most importantly, Simon's parents.   At times it seems that children who are adopted are viewed as lucky.   The book, "Are Those Kid's Yours?" by Cheri Register addresses this topic.  Here is an excerpt we think is important:

"Even though adoption into an American family profoundly improves a child's material well-being, social status, health, and access to education, parents who adopt from other countries seldom do so primarily for altruistic reasons.  Earlier in the history of adoption, families took in homeless children out of charity, and virtue's reward was the additional labor the children could provide.  The ethos of adoption has changed since then, and prospective parents usually sense that wanting to do a good deed is, if not the wrong motive, at least insufficient in itself.  Charity moved people to send UNICEF cards at holidays or make monthly payments to sponsor a child in a Third World county, but charity alone cannot sustain a relationship as emotionally demanding as that between a parent and child.  Most parents recoil when others try to credit them with selfless generosity.  Bill MacNamara, the father of two Korean-born children, speaks for many when he says:

"The most offending thing that I get is, "Oh aren't you nice for doing that?"  I tell everybody- and I tell them rather quickly, "No, I'm lucky.  I'm the lucky one, not them."

We hope Simon never feels "lucky" for having us as parents.  Having parents that love you is a right.  In fact, Simon will likely feel incredibly unlucky at times.  Sometimes because mom and dad don't let him have ice cream for breakfast (but nachos will always be ok- just ask my nieces) and sometimes he will feel unlucky because he doesn't know his biological family.  He deserves to be sad about that.  We don't think we're "saving" Simon.  We know he was meant to be our son, but the reality is that there are a lot of loving couples waiting for the day they are lucky enough to become parents.